Perfectionism and its traps
Perfectionism is rising, and it doesn’t age well. What it costs, and what to do about it.
I recently read an article about how perfectionism is increasing in the millennial age group.1 The writers, Simon Sherry and Martin Smith, reviewed 77 studies involving nearly 25,000 people and found that perfectionism is increasing equally in men and women, and that young people are being affected.
Perfectionism involves a sense of needing to do absolutely everything perfectly, and then expecting that of others as well. Not as well as someone else could within the time and space available. No. Perfectly. Humans were never meant to be perfect. We are flawed by nature, and that is what makes us so wonderfully human.
If you go through life believing that you and others should be perfect, you are left with a choice. Either you spend most of your life disappointed, angry, critical or nagging, or you acknowledge the need for perfection and ask whether it is a reasonable way to meet life.
The world does push us towards it: a perfect world in advertising, extreme competition, and parenting that demands perfection.
Not dealing with perfectionistic traits has consequences as you get older. Perfectionists tend to become more obsessed and more neurotic with age. They develop more negative emotions (guilt, anger, envy) trying to deal with the anxiety perfectionism breeds. It seems odd, but older perfectionists actually become less disciplined and less organised. They stew on things more often, they burn out more regularly, and that results in letting things go and dropping the ball.
Dealing with your perfectionistic tendencies is an important part of a self-compassionate regime. Talk to someone about it. Write about it. Practise a bit of self-kindness. Talk to yourself about it and forgive yourself, and choose to try some new things. Read about how to tackle perfectionism, and learn to breathe through life.
