Chronic pain and self‑compassion
Twenty‑three years of migraines, and the three parts of self‑compassion that make the space between them liveable.
I have been managing migraines for twenty-three years, with the help of neurologists, caring GPs, physios, pharmacists, chiropractors, naturopaths and counsellors. Then there is my family, who have to keep caring and being compassionate. At times I’m sure they feel like they are running out of steam holding everything together while I am out of action.
With a recent multi-day migraine, I realised I was frustrated about being unwell, and then, when I was well, about making up for having been unwell. I am either out of action, or working extra hard to fix up everything I couldn’t do while I was. Making up for lost time can start to feel like the only thing I do.
Self-compassion is the tool I use to get through that. It has three components: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.1
How does that work in practice?
Self-kindness means sitting with my feelings and acknowledging the pain attached to the migraine, emotionally and physically. Afterwards, I choose to sit and identify what I am actually feeling, without judgement or self-criticism. It looks like admitting that the episode was difficult and challenging and that I feel spent, and then saying some soothing words to myself, and being my own best friend.
Common humanity is about being part of the human experience. It is realising that chronic pain has isolated me socially, and that the suffering during a migraine reminds me of my own humanity and of how many others also live with chronic pain. Realising we are not alone helps us reach out and talk to people about what has happened. It also helps me not to judge others living in chronic pain.
Mindfulness is about observing our thoughts and feelings without avoiding them and without ruminating. That can mean giving myself more space when planning the days after a migraine. It can look like ten minutes with a mindfulness app, or a gentle walk that lets my mind zone out. Mindfulness practice improves stress symptoms and wellbeing, and decreases anxiety and depression.
When I treat myself with self-compassion, I manage my well time more effectively. I also recharge, ready for the next migraine. And I remind myself that my current reality is either having a migraine or living in the space between them and as a human, that is pretty good.
Further reading
