Holding hope and reality at the same time

YouYou may or may not have noticed I haven’t written a blog for a very long time. There’s been a small virus called Coronavirus in the way, which has made things rather complicated. I put off having a break in the hope of getting away interstate. An interstate getaway became a local Victorian holiday, and then that became some time off at home. Home is where we spend weekends and even some public holidays, but certainly not holidays.

With that as a backdrop, I have been reading Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky, a book about stress, stress-related disease and coping.¹ It has been a very timely read.

Scientists know that we produce a stress hormone, a glucocorticoid, that helps the body manage an immediate stress response within the fight, flight or freeze scenario. Ideally, that secretion works best when the situation is neither prolonged nor severe. If the stress response goes on too long, it can lead to depression or demotivation.

To maintain equilibrium, we ideally need certainty, control and predictability, none of which many of us have had during isolation. I have been reading about stress equilibrium while talking daily with clients experiencing exactly that absence of certainty, control and predictability. It makes some sense of the grief and stress responses people are showing.

To reduce stress, you need to be able to maintain some degree of control and predictability. Another route is maintaining social connection to your supports: we know that people who keep connections to people or groups often live longer than those who are socially isolated. Those who manage stress more successfully are also able to hold hope and reality at the same time, and have the cognitive flexibility to switch strategies as needed. It also matters to have a regular outlet for frustration: something you enjoy that lets you blow off steam, which is another thing isolation can take away.

So, to do isolation as well as you can, think about:

• What can I control in my life, and how do I do that?
• What do I need to let go of, because I can’t control it?
• Who do I need to stay connected with, and how?
• What outlet for frustration can I use regularly? Is there something I can do in isolation?
• What routine can I set for predictability? What do I need to keep doing and scheduling?